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Funniest... thing... ever

Saturday, March 29, 2008

I was in a public restroom today, and you'll never believe what I saw. I swear it's the funniest thing ever; I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. It was a good thing I was already in the restroom, because I almost peed my pants.

See, it was one of those restrooms with one of them new-fangled electronic hand dryers. They're terrific because they eliminate waste and disease, and they're more economical to operate. It's also fortunate that they put operating instructions on the dryer because, otherwise, some R-tard might have a problem pressing the big button. And if it wasn't for those instructions, I never would've seen the funniest thing ever.

In case you're doing a Google search for the electronic hand dryer operating instructions, here they are: Push button. Rub hands under warm air. Stops automatically. And it's no wonder you might have to Google them, because that's where the funniest thing ever really comes into play.

See, some benevolent prankster has brought a key or pen knife or some other small metal object, and scratched certain letters from the operating instructions. Vandalism be damned, this is fucking hilarious! Why? Check out the new instructions: Push butt. Rub hands under arm. Top auto at ally. Funniest thing ever! I only wish I'd gotten a picture to immortalize the bon mot for all eternity.

Oh my God that is so funny. Damn, that's even funnier than "Here I sit all broken-hearted, tried to shit and only farted," and you know that's a tough act to follow. I mean, that is really funny and clever, and it's obvious some sharp-minded jester put a great deal of thought and effort into it to make it the funniest thing ever.

I can only aspire to that level of originality, entertainment and wit. I bow before you, oh grand merrymaker. You are truly the light and inspiration. Funniest... thing... ever.