Cutting the cheese since 1996

The saga of the finger (no, not that one)

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Actually, it is that one, but it's not what you think. I blogged a couple weeks ago about my tribulations making cheeseburgers for dinner. So as it happens I was making dinner Sunday when again I got splattered with hot oil. This wasn't one of those, "Ow, that smarts" for a second kind of splatters, but a "Ow, that smarts, and it looks like it's starting to swell and gee, it really burns and stings, too" kind of splatters. And swell it did. By Monday morning I had this huge thing on my finger that kinda looked like a large wart.

I've been having a bad run lately on getting burned. I burned myself on the popcorn machine at work and ended up with a blister that took a couple weeks to heal. Then I burned myself making dinner when -- oh, boy, this is a stupid story that needs telling.

See, I was making homemade pizza for the kids, so I had to make the dough. They say to put the dough in a warm place for a few minutes, so I decided to put the whole mixing bowl in the oven, figuring that was plenty warm, and it wouldn't cook in the few minutes I left it in there. Sure enough, it didn't. But what I kinda sorta forgot about was my stainless steel mixing bowl. The dough got warm; the bowl got hot. Very hot. And I figured out just how hot when my hand brushed the bowl as it was sitting on the counter. Ouch.

So that blistered, too, but healed. By now I'm figuring that getting burned sucks but with patience things will heal and really I'm no worse for wear. Except this new blister wasn't satisfied being a big ol' wart. No, it wanted to pop. And pop it did.

Now the proud owner of a throbbing finger with a gaping, seeping wound, I tried a band-aid. Yeah, that worked for the first day, but it was a constant reminder of why I hate band-aids on my fingers (besides the obvious nuisance of having an injury) and that's because it makes it really difficult to wash my hands, because few things suck more than a wet band-aid. I got home and re-band-aid-ed it, but it too didn't last (since this was one of the "flexi" kind whose edges stop sticking and start rolling up), so I made a conscious decision to let it "air out" over night (read: I was too lazy to put on another band-aid). By morning it was looking pretty red and puffy, so I finally opted for the liquid bandage.

I like this stuff. It's like superglue without the actual adhesive. (Actually, it is superglue without the actual adhesive. Apparently soldiers having been using superglue for decades for quick field dressings of minor injuries.) So I put some on. And it ran. And didn't dry. And now I've got a sticky river running down my hand and arm, and I swear I wiped more off that I kept on. Not to mention all the stuff I got on my fingers because the (former) blister is on the side of my index finger where it wants to naturally rest against my ring finger. And I got the stuff on dog's leash. And on the dash in the car trying to turn the key. And God knows where else.

By the time I got to work, it was dry, but now it was not only red and puffy, but topped with white and crusty. Very appetizing. But the big advantage of this stuff is that it's waterproof, so now I can wash my hands without fear. And it held out pretty well, but by the end of the day the natural urge to pick at crusty things on the skin (c'mon, who can resist picking at scabs?!) meant I had the liquid bandage peeled along with a fair chunk of skin. (They say this stuff bonds to your skin. What they mean is that it melts into your skin, and becomes one with the epidermis.) So once again, I've got a throbbing finger with a gaping, seeping wound.

So to end the story, I got home and applied another dose of liquid bandage. Careful this time to not let it run, and waiting ten-plus minutes for it to dry, I once again have a red, puffy, white crusty thing on my finger. And it looks like a huge honkin' wart the size of a pea. Frankly, it looks kinda cool. And I'm thinking, maybe I should try this for Halloween!